Life with two.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job as a stay-at-home wife and mommy and wouldn't want any other job, but it can be a very lonely and isolating job.  Especially when you're still recovering from giving birth and have a breastfed baby.  Needless to say, I haven't ventured out much since we welcomed baby #2, and I have yet to take both boys somewhere on my own.  The thought terrifies me.  I rarely get ready, I am still wearing maternity clothes, and if I do go out I need to make it quick since I never know when Sawyer will be ready for his next meal.  I did make it out by myself a couple days ago though.  It was a quick trip to Target for ice-cream.  Maybe I'll go again tonight for another gallon since Jon polished off the last gallon in under two days.  Then again, maybe I shouldn't since Jon polished off the last gallon in under two days.  Maybe instead of getting ice-cream I'll go get my haircut.  I am hating my hair.  I desperately want long hair, but every single time I get it to a certain length it just drives me crazy.  I don't think my fine hair is meant to be super long.  Maybe sooner or later I'll accept that and keep it a nice medium length.  Maybe not.  Perhaps a new haircut would give me the motivation I need to do my hair in the mornings and get changed out of my pj's.  Maybe not.  So yeah, being a mommy is kind of a double edged sword sometimes.  You want to interact and see other people, you long for it, and at the same time you don't want to interact and see other people due to the fact that you're exhausted, haven't gotten ready, your house looks like a tornado just hit it, and if you happen to get both kids asleep at the same time all you want to do is join them since sleep is now nonexistent thanks to that cute bundle of newborn cuteness that has no schedule and wakes you at various hours of the night day after day, and a three, almost four, year old who needs your attention and watchful eye during the day.  I know in time a new normal will be established and I'll feel like there is time for me again.  And by that I mean me+me, me+husband, me+friends, me+hobbies, and not just me+kids.  Sooner or later things will balance out.  And for the most part I am OK with my time solely being dedicated to my kids, but I have definitely had a couple of brief freakout moments in the past week and a half where I have felt like all my other relationships and interests have been neglected, even my relationship with my firstborn.  I feel like a broken record most days having to tell him over and over again, "Hold on Rowan, I am feeding your brother," or "It'll have to wait until I am done feeding your brother."  Poor kid.  He's been a champ through it all.  And luckily grandma, grandpa, and daddy have helped get him out of the house a few times.  Daddy takes him for rides in the bike trailer (more on that later), and g-ma and g-pa have planned a couple outtings with him.  A huge blessing cause I am sure being cooped up inside all day is nothing shy of torture for a little boy.  He'll start preschool again in a few weeks, so that'll be fun for him.  At least he'll have three scheduled days a week where he's getting out of the house and interacting with other kids.  Until then I hope he forgives me for being preoccupied with his little brother.  And I really should close as I actually have a chance to get some cleaning done since the baby is napping and Rowan is entertained with toys.  A moment to do what a I want need to, a rarity these days.